AdvisorByTheSea

Free Holiday Special

2008-12-04T15:23:00.001-08:00

I want to let you know about my Holiday Special. Through January 5th, 2009, you can email me to get some FREE ADVICE. I will not be doing phone sessions during this time, but you can email me about a problem and I will email back with my thoughts about the problem. We will continue to email until we've come up with some possible solutions to the problem. FREE ADVICE is my Holiday Gift to you this year. So, what are you waiting for? Click on this link and let's get going. ann@ilovetogiveadvice.com, Or check out my website first at: www.ilovetogiveadvice.com

It's An Inside Job

2008-10-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

You know, I see people walking around and talking on their cell phones, or texting, or multitasking, or a variety of other things and I realize that I'm old enough to remember when we didn't have these distractions. Now, don't get me wrong, I like talking and texting and doing lots of things at once as much as the next person. But, I think it's important to remember that as much as we need to stay in touch with others, it's even more important to stay in touch with ourselves. And, the only way to do that is to cut down on the distractions from time to time.

I remember the days when I would just take a nice walk or a run by myself. No other people, no phones to talk on while running, no earphones--just me and the pavement. You can get a lot of reflection done during those times. I'm not criticizing anyone for anything they are doing in this complex, busy world we live in. But, we also seem to be losing track of ourselves. We don't take the time to know what's going on inside of ourselves. And, as a result, some of us feel sad, or overeat, or want to sleep all the time, or use substances to make ourselves feel better, when all we need to do is cut down on the distractions and remember that happiness and a sense of well being are an inside job.

Do you know who you are? Do you know what brings you joy? Have you ever even felt joy? If you haven't, try taking a little time just for yourself, by yourself. Reflect on those things you really like to do and do them more often.

If you don't know what you like to do and what would bring you peace and fulfillment, try this simple exercise. Think about what others praise you for. What do people tell you they like about you? What do they say they wish they could do that you can do? Often, these are things that we don't see as special because we do them so easily. I know someone who is an amazing card maker, but she sees it as something anyone can do. Or, how about the person who has an eye for color and knows exactly how a room should come together for the best effect. Or the guy who writes songs effortlessly and thinks it's no big deal, anyone can do it.

What are your "no big deals"? Probably those are the things that give you the most joy. Once you figure out what they are, make time to do them more often. Find a way to build them into your busy day. If you can do this, you will feel more happiness and open the way for learning other new things about yourself that bring you joy.

Living well in the world is definitely an inside job.

Make someone's day today. Click here to send them a free card through the postal mail.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2008-10-08T09:53:00.000-07:00

Just a reminder to all women AND men to check your breasts monthly for lumps and women, have your yearly mammograms. In this day of managed care, sometimes reports can fall between the cracks or health care professionals get so busy that they don't look at reports as carefully as they should.

13 years ago, my friend had this happen to her. She had a mammogram and the doctor told her all was fine. Then, she had to change providers due to health insurance changes and she didn't see the new doctor for awhile. When she did, she told the doctor that the previous report had been fine. Then, she found a lump on self exam. It turned out to be Stage 2 cancer and she had to have a lumpectomy. I'm happy to say that she is alive and well 13 years later, but this might have been prevented if her doctor had read the report carefully. The radiologist had found something suscipious and recommended another mammogram in 6 months.

As a patient, you have the right to all of your medical records. If my friend had known to ask for a copy of the radiologists report, she could have stayed on top of her situation and requested another mammogram in 6 months as suggested. So, do your monthly exams, have anything that wasn't there the month before checked out and when it's time for your yearly mammogram, request a copy of the radiologist report not only be sent to your doctor but also to you.

My friend was very fortunate. Someone else might not be. Please pass the message along.

Getting Rid of the Mad, final step

2008-09-22T09:33:00.000-07:00

OK, here we are at our third, and final, step for Getting Rid of the Mad. We're at the end of September now and you know what that means? Yep, the holidays are right around the corner. What better time to get started on your Getting Rid of the Mad list and complete Step 2 and 3? Do you think any of us have any "Mad" at our families. If you don't think so, then you really need to get started on that "Mad" list. Or, maybe, that's the reason you're not doing it? Email me today at: ann@ilovetogiveadvice.com and I'll send you Step 3 of the Getting Rid of the Mad list and you'll be on your way to getting all that you want and deserve to have in your life.

Make someone's day. Click here to send a free card through the postal mail.

2008-09-08T09:34:00.001-07:00

Well, last week you started getting rid of the mad by sending for the Getting Rid of the Mad list. I hope you have taken the time to create your list and have gotten started listing all the people and all the things that they did that made you mad. Don't forget to include groups, ie--political parties, religious groups, etc, and remember to include yourself and the things you are mad at yourself about.

Once you have finished your List, it's time to do Step 2 of the process. Email me today at: ann@ilovetogiveadvice.com and ask me to send you Step 2. If you haven't asked for your copy of the quick start guide to getting rid of the mad, it's not too late. Click here and it will be sent to you by return email. Soon you will start feeling much lighter and you'll really be able to create what you want in your life.

Make someone's day. Click here to send a free card.

Getting Rid Of The Mad List

2008-09-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

If we feel anger, fear, worry and guilt then we can’t bring more good things into our lives. So we have to choose--hang onto the anger or let it go to make room for things we want.

Assuming you have decided that good things are better than anger, you need to have a simple way to make that happen. By doing the Getting Rid of the Mad List exercise, many people have found that they can release the anger they’ve held onto for so long—many since childhood even. So, click on this link and start getting rid of the anger so you can welcome more good stuff in.

Make someone's day. Send a free card.

The Gremlin

2008-08-24T11:21:00.000-07:00

OK, last week I told you about the Genius so this week we'll learn about The Gremlin. You are probably more familiar with The Gremlin than you are with The Genius. The Gremlin is the critical voice in you. The Gremlin tells you what it thinks you’re doing wrong and tries to make you feel guilty.

As we try to get more comfortable with asking our Genius for help or answers to our life problems, The Gremlin doesn't like it. So, it usually answers first--and often quite loudly--hoping you will think it's the Genius and do what it says. But, you'll know it’s The Gremlin answering, if you are feeling afraid, worried, angry or guilty.

The way to neutralize the criticism from The Gremlin is to not judge that part of you. Don't judge the critical part of yourself and soon it will grow weaker because you aren't giving it focus and attention. And, try giving it another function besides being critical of you. ie--instead of seeing it as critical, try to learn from it. If it tells you something "bad" about yourself, evaluate what it's criticizing and change that behavior before it becomes worse. Use its feedback constructively rather than assuming that the criticism is correct.

We are always choosing between living our life from the perspective of The Genius or The Gremlin. And, remember, when you’re held hostage by The Gremlin, you can’t be enjoying the freedom that The Genius offers.

You can either learn how to make the most out of the rest of your life or you can have anger, fear, worry and guilt, but you can’t have both. Luckily, the choice is yours.

As you start listening to The Gremlin less often, it won’t like it very much so it will crank up the volume on the anger, fear, worry and guilt. But, this is a good sign, because once you start feeling all those feelings more often you will know to just keep with it because things are about to change and The Gremlin is about to give up ground. Or, maybe disappear altogether.

Any anger you are carrying in you will act as a magnet and draw more anger to you. And, anger, fear, worry and guilt keep us from having what we want in life. So, getting rid of the anger is a step toward having more Genius in our life.

Assuming you’d rather live life with The Genius than The Gremlin, you’ll need to learn a way to minimize The Gremlin. One way to do that is by using what I call the “Getting Rid Of The Mad” list. I'll share the this technique with you in next week's post.

Make someone's day. Send a free card.

Genius or Gremlin? Which will you choose?

2008-08-19T12:57:00.000-07:00

I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of life and since I Love To Give Advice, I decided to take a look at my life to see if I could give myself some advice. One of the things I discovered is that we have two main parts of ourselves: The Genius and The Gremlin. This week, I'll tell you about The Genius, next week I'll outline The Gremlin.

I define GENIUS as: the best of who we are. The smart, intuitive, most all knowing part of ourselves. Here are some characteristics of The Genius:

· The Genius can actually bring your ideas, and dreams from your inner world into your outer world where you can experience them with your physical senses.
· The Genius wants you to have whatever you want.
· The Genius’ response is always peaceful. It feels “right” or sometimes like you’ve known the answer all along.
· The Genius does not think in terms we are used to and it will help us grow if we are willing to ask it to help us. It brings you information from sources other than those that can be detected by our physical senses. By getting quiet and listening to your thoughts and feelings, you can tap into a much larger spectrum of information that is available to you.
· Your Genius is the source of all that you have in your life—many of us think that our jobs or other people are our source, but that is not the case.
· Your Genius makes sure that everyone wins. If it feels like a win-win situation, it’s probably from your Genius.
· Your Genius won’t let anything leave your life if you really need it. It always makes sure something better comes along to replace what leaves your life. But, sometimes things or people leave our life, and the better thing hasn’t arrived yet. When that happens we need to let ourselves trust that something better is on the way to us.
· Your Genius is always with you, loving and guiding you. If you want something, ask The Genius for it and then be willing to accept it when it comes and the form in which it comes.
· Your Genius is always watching over you. It pays attention to our attitudes and makes sure that we’re developed enough to have what we want. Sometimes we say we want something, but are unconsciously afraid to have it. The Genius doesn’t want us to be afraid. So, it will not bring what we’re asking for until our fear shifts and we have become more open to have the thing we’re asking for.

If we all lived our lives with a sense of fairness, trying to get along with others and listening to our Genius, society would be entirely different.

Only you can know what direction is best for you to go in. What works for others might not work for you so stop trying to live your life in the way others think is best.

Make someone's day. Send a free card.

Therapy vs Advice

2008-08-14T12:29:00.000-07:00

8/10/08 -
Have you ever heard that old light bulb joke?

Q: "How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?" A: Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change".

The answer to that joke is a true statement about therapy. People have to really want to change in order for therapy to be successful. And, usually change takes awhile.

When I was in graduate school, they wanted to teach us how long it takes to change. So, we were instructed to learn to tie our shoelaces the opposite way from how we were used to tying them. (This, of course, was back in the day when shoes HAD laces and people DID tie them). It took me about six weeks to tie my shoelaces differently.

If something as simple as shoe laces takes six weeks, think how long it takes for us to change a maladaptive behavior we've had for years. So, with therapy, you have to be willing to work, to change and for it to take time.

I'm not sure that's necessarily true with advice giving. You have a problem and we talk about it. I give you some advice and you either take it or you don't. If you decide to follow my advice, there's a good chance that either all or part of your situation will change and it might not take so long.

Try asking for advice. It might just make a difference in your life.

Make someone's day. Send a free card.